The duality of time passing - when you're thinking about the wait for the referral it goes SOOO Slowly but suddenly you realise nearly 2 months have passed since you last put thoughts to keyboard. Thanks for those of you that complained gently to give me the proverbial kick up the butt.
I'd like to say it was bcause I was incredibly busy with referrals or even extensive holiday travelling but we haven't had a referral and my extensive holidaying comproised 4 days in a tent in Wales! No, the reason I haven't updated in a while was the complete lack of inspiration of finding another way to say No News yet!
HOwever this last week has seen adoption activity levels bounce back up again. One of the reasons referrals are taking longer is the new legislation in Russia promoting domestic adoption (bygiveing people $10,000). OIt seems many Russians have requested a girl under 2 so of course International Adoptions are taking a back seat. Hubby and I have been discussing if there is anyway we can broaden our matching requirements to hopefully "speed things upa bit". At the time of our homestudy we did comsider teh issue of adoptiong siblings but felt Princess Toodles was just too young to cope and she'd feel excluded from bonding with bio Russians. However she is now 7 so th conversation has again turned to the option of siblings.
What we have decided is we would like to adopt either a single girl about 3-4 years old OR a sibling group of 2, either girl (eldest)/boy or 2 girls with the eldest sibling being no more than 4. THis means we have to have a new review of our homestudy and back to panel but we don't get put to the bottom of the list and meanwhile our referral for a little girl still stands. It will also mean more work and more money foretha doption but we're almost past caring about that - just get me my family.
So now we're waiting for contact from the social worker to come back for another chat and I have to say it's nice having something positive to do again.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I found out today that I passed my NVQ Level 2 in Sign Language... It's somthing I've been trying to get for 4 years and finally managed. Only another 2 years and I 'll be a fully certified interpreter. I'm not sure if I knew how long it would take at the start that I would have quite so happily commited myself. Adoption is a bit like that, at first you spend hours pondering the date game which goes something along the lines of...
"Right I'll get my dossier done in 2 weeks, 1 week with lawyer, 1 week for posting, 2 weeks for travel, ohhh maybe 3 months for referal, 1 month for court date then almost home - wow"
You convince yourself that no matter what you read, it'll be different for you and it'll all happen in 4-6 months, lovely. In reality it never happens that quick but you adapt, next time you dream it starts off with "Right, I'll get my dossier done in 2 months...." However if at the start of the process, if someone had said to me you'll be 18months down the line and still just waiting with no end in sight I may have been disheartened, disillusioned or just put off altogether!
So frankly I say raise a glass to optimism and adaptability. Optimism gets us to sign up in the first place and adaptability allows up to keep positive and to wildly celebrate the occasional time when things actually happen quicker than normal, when a bill comes in and it's marginally cheaper than ultimately expected, in short when life throws you a bone.
And at the end of the day, I will have my daughter and I may be a sign language interpreter but until then "I'll get my dossier done in 4 months...."
"Right I'll get my dossier done in 2 weeks, 1 week with lawyer, 1 week for posting, 2 weeks for travel, ohhh maybe 3 months for referal, 1 month for court date then almost home - wow"
You convince yourself that no matter what you read, it'll be different for you and it'll all happen in 4-6 months, lovely. In reality it never happens that quick but you adapt, next time you dream it starts off with "Right, I'll get my dossier done in 2 months...." However if at the start of the process, if someone had said to me you'll be 18months down the line and still just waiting with no end in sight I may have been disheartened, disillusioned or just put off altogether!
So frankly I say raise a glass to optimism and adaptability. Optimism gets us to sign up in the first place and adaptability allows up to keep positive and to wildly celebrate the occasional time when things actually happen quicker than normal, when a bill comes in and it's marginally cheaper than ultimately expected, in short when life throws you a bone.
And at the end of the day, I will have my daughter and I may be a sign language interpreter but until then "I'll get my dossier done in 4 months...."
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Tick tock, 2months since we went to Russia and good God is it going slowly! However on one hand that's good because I don't want time to fly by with Princess Toodles but on the other hand, anxiety levels are reaching gigantic levels. Everything stresses me, Russia and UK having diplomatic problems becuase of Litvenchenko, the guy who was poisoned by the Russians. Russia and US over weapons, anything I hear about Russia is usually a bit doom and gloom and I just begin to panic about getting our daughter before everything goes pear shaped.
And people who are well meaning and nice and beginning to annoy me, the converstion usually goes:
"So how's the Adoption going?"
"Oh we're just waiting for the phone call but we have no idea how long that will be."
"Do you think it will be soon?"
"I really don't know, some people get a quick referral, others wait years"
"So do you think you'll have her home by Christmas?"
I know people are well meaning and don't really know what else to say but after the 10th time of this you do get just a touch stressy! Although, what are people supposed to say to come across as interested yet savvy? Polite enquiries about preparations, learning Russian or our general coping-ness with the wait? I'm really don't know but if I you have any suggestions...
And people who are well meaning and nice and beginning to annoy me, the converstion usually goes:
"So how's the Adoption going?"
"Oh we're just waiting for the phone call but we have no idea how long that will be."
"Do you think it will be soon?"
"I really don't know, some people get a quick referral, others wait years"
"So do you think you'll have her home by Christmas?"
I know people are well meaning and don't really know what else to say but after the 10th time of this you do get just a touch stressy! Although, what are people supposed to say to come across as interested yet savvy? Polite enquiries about preparations, learning Russian or our general coping-ness with the wait? I'm really don't know but if I you have any suggestions...
Sunday, July 01, 2007
1st July 2007 - The Hidden Gains on the adoption Journey...
Adoption is a journey - almost everyone you talk to about adoption will say this but there is something very few people tell you about but many people I've spoken to agree. Since starting my journey I have now gained a backside the size of Alaska.
The emotional rollercoaster that comes with adoption takes many twists and turns and you feel the full spectrum of emotions:
Depression = Comfort eating
Frustration = Occupational therapy eating
Confusion = Mindless eating
Celebration = Lets have a meal eating.
OK so I'm pobably hugely generalising but it is amazing how many people I've spoken too that suffer the same problem. One couple who'd sat in Russia for 10 days waiting for papers and clearance warned me there was very little else to do but eat, and thinking about it I can now fully understand.
I got on the scales, it was shocking! At this rate by the time I bring my daughter home, I'm going to have to get a new home with an excessively large front door. So I am now on the official adoption diet. I've put it in the "Keep Debi busy by doing positive things" category and it's not quite as depressing as the normal efforts.
I'm sure there are people out there where the stress of adoption impacts them by losing weight and others who have remarkable control and just stay the same. To you I dedicate my ryvita. For the rest of us mere mortals, we can stop stuffing, celebrate our buxomness or bin the scales (now that is tempting...!)
Adoption is a journey - almost everyone you talk to about adoption will say this but there is something very few people tell you about but many people I've spoken to agree. Since starting my journey I have now gained a backside the size of Alaska.
The emotional rollercoaster that comes with adoption takes many twists and turns and you feel the full spectrum of emotions:
Depression = Comfort eating
Frustration = Occupational therapy eating
Confusion = Mindless eating
Celebration = Lets have a meal eating.
OK so I'm pobably hugely generalising but it is amazing how many people I've spoken too that suffer the same problem. One couple who'd sat in Russia for 10 days waiting for papers and clearance warned me there was very little else to do but eat, and thinking about it I can now fully understand.
I got on the scales, it was shocking! At this rate by the time I bring my daughter home, I'm going to have to get a new home with an excessively large front door. So I am now on the official adoption diet. I've put it in the "Keep Debi busy by doing positive things" category and it's not quite as depressing as the normal efforts.
I'm sure there are people out there where the stress of adoption impacts them by losing weight and others who have remarkable control and just stay the same. To you I dedicate my ryvita. For the rest of us mere mortals, we can stop stuffing, celebrate our buxomness or bin the scales (now that is tempting...!)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
27th June 2007
Ok I have regrouped after my usual 24 hours of despair and glass is now half full again. Have spend the day emailing everyone I could think of to try and get some solution. Ok so if I'm honest I was hoping someone would say "No don't worry we were just checking and here's your referral!" - NOT going to happen!
Anyway, the Agency were actually really positive, the email they sent was a general email to everyone and the fact we are approved for up to 3 years is actually a benefit for us. I emailed our social services to see what flexibility we had in age and if any change would require a top up homestudy, back to panel and back to the notaries and DfES, something I don't really fancy. As it turns out under some Act in Dec 2005 in the best interests of th child, we are fine to adopt up to 4years old without requiring anything extra from Social Services or the DfES. I don't quite understand how it works but I'm not arguing ;o) As for Russia's flexibility in allowing us to adopt a child above our age range without amending documentation is quite another matter...
The agency thought the letter I knocked together was excellent (was that a general reply?) and sent best wishes for a quick referral. So in the last 24 hours what has been achieved? I've had the proverbial rug pulled out from under me, felt terrible, emailed the Agency somthing they already have, harrassed more people over email than is healthy, spent a fortune on mobile calls to hubby on some ship in the Middle East and now I'm back in exactly the same situation as I was before.
And that, my friends, would be the rollercoaster joy of adoption... Some day I'll look back and smile, today's it's more of a forced grimace but I'm getting there.
Ok I have regrouped after my usual 24 hours of despair and glass is now half full again. Have spend the day emailing everyone I could think of to try and get some solution. Ok so if I'm honest I was hoping someone would say "No don't worry we were just checking and here's your referral!" - NOT going to happen!
Anyway, the Agency were actually really positive, the email they sent was a general email to everyone and the fact we are approved for up to 3 years is actually a benefit for us. I emailed our social services to see what flexibility we had in age and if any change would require a top up homestudy, back to panel and back to the notaries and DfES, something I don't really fancy. As it turns out under some Act in Dec 2005 in the best interests of th child, we are fine to adopt up to 4years old without requiring anything extra from Social Services or the DfES. I don't quite understand how it works but I'm not arguing ;o) As for Russia's flexibility in allowing us to adopt a child above our age range without amending documentation is quite another matter...
The agency thought the letter I knocked together was excellent (was that a general reply?) and sent best wishes for a quick referral. So in the last 24 hours what has been achieved? I've had the proverbial rug pulled out from under me, felt terrible, emailed the Agency somthing they already have, harrassed more people over email than is healthy, spent a fortune on mobile calls to hubby on some ship in the Middle East and now I'm back in exactly the same situation as I was before.
And that, my friends, would be the rollercoaster joy of adoption... Some day I'll look back and smile, today's it's more of a forced grimace but I'm getting there.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Why Is Nothing Ever Easy?????
26th June 2007
Aaaaaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Why is NOTHING ever easy? And adoption tops that list I assure you. As if the waiting in limbo was not bad enough but I have just received an email from my agency saying there has been a sharp increase in domestic adoptions in Russia and I now have to immediately send them a letter clarifying (for the 1000th time) the type of child we're approved to adopt and any flexibility on age, gender and health. I know its great that Russian families are adoping children but from my side this whole process is just horrible.
On the bright side (??) I have had to explain this so many time isn the past I just modified an old statement that I'd done and sent it in.
God. I'm depressed......
Aaaaaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Why is NOTHING ever easy? And adoption tops that list I assure you. As if the waiting in limbo was not bad enough but I have just received an email from my agency saying there has been a sharp increase in domestic adoptions in Russia and I now have to immediately send them a letter clarifying (for the 1000th time) the type of child we're approved to adopt and any flexibility on age, gender and health. I know its great that Russian families are adoping children but from my side this whole process is just horrible.
On the bright side (??) I have had to explain this so many time isn the past I just modified an old statement that I'd done and sent it in.
God. I'm depressed......
Sunday, June 24, 2007
24th June 2007
I had a very strange moment today - for those that know me this is not an unfrequent occurence! But this was one of those stop you in your tracks moments. It suddenly hit me that if I close my mind to the memories of everything I have already been through, the adoption becomes very unreal. There is nothing at all going on in my day to day life about it other than talking. No communication from the agency, the social workers, lawyers nothing. It's the limbo of waiting. It all feels very dreamlike and I have to remind myself that I could get "the call" at any time....
So I got to thinking: OK, so if this is it, no adoption and this is my life for always - would it really be that bad? The answer is an unequivocal No, it wouldn't be bad. I have the most fabulous little girl already, a loving husband, step sons that are fundamentally good men that aren't out mugging grannies, great extended family, a good career and a 5 year plan that allows me to quit everything and spend my life at the WI and PTA... my idea of bliss... So why am I doing this? Why have I put myself through years of pain, trauma and emotional suicide at times trying to "get" another child? That, is the $6 million question. And the answer is, simply, because I have to. No one's forcing me, except me. There's something missing, I love being a Mum, I adore being a Mum. My family is the most important thing to me ever, but there's a space in it, a seat left empty, it just isn't complete. I want another child to love, hubby and I want a child together to love and Princess Toodles wants to be a big sister (although that may change when the realities of life hit her!!!)
So the journey continues, I try and keep it real because when it happens by God I better be prepared! I dream, I get fixations with shelving and I keep myself busy doing useful things. People say that when you bring your child home you forget all the painful parts of getting her there. I'll raise a glass of wine to that! (where's the corkscrew???)
I had a very strange moment today - for those that know me this is not an unfrequent occurence! But this was one of those stop you in your tracks moments. It suddenly hit me that if I close my mind to the memories of everything I have already been through, the adoption becomes very unreal. There is nothing at all going on in my day to day life about it other than talking. No communication from the agency, the social workers, lawyers nothing. It's the limbo of waiting. It all feels very dreamlike and I have to remind myself that I could get "the call" at any time....
So I got to thinking: OK, so if this is it, no adoption and this is my life for always - would it really be that bad? The answer is an unequivocal No, it wouldn't be bad. I have the most fabulous little girl already, a loving husband, step sons that are fundamentally good men that aren't out mugging grannies, great extended family, a good career and a 5 year plan that allows me to quit everything and spend my life at the WI and PTA... my idea of bliss... So why am I doing this? Why have I put myself through years of pain, trauma and emotional suicide at times trying to "get" another child? That, is the $6 million question. And the answer is, simply, because I have to. No one's forcing me, except me. There's something missing, I love being a Mum, I adore being a Mum. My family is the most important thing to me ever, but there's a space in it, a seat left empty, it just isn't complete. I want another child to love, hubby and I want a child together to love and Princess Toodles wants to be a big sister (although that may change when the realities of life hit her!!!)
So the journey continues, I try and keep it real because when it happens by God I better be prepared! I dream, I get fixations with shelving and I keep myself busy doing useful things. People say that when you bring your child home you forget all the painful parts of getting her there. I'll raise a glass of wine to that! (where's the corkscrew???)
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
June 20th 2007
Adoption is all about building your family, finding your child that you can love and cherish forever but adoption also involves rather large sums of money, certainly adopting internationally from Russia into the UK. Now this is in no ways for "buying" a child as I've so often had thrown at me a la Madonna or Angelina Jolie, it's just about funding the process. Travel to Russia alone will run into the 1000's by the time we've completed 4 trips. You pay for the homestudy, the preparation course, the notaries, the legaisation, the agency fee and even the Program fee for the orphanage. When I first heard about the program fee I was a bit thrown by how much it was but then I visited the children's home. It only receives 10% of its funding from the State and the rest comes from International Adoption. And you know...some other adoptive parents have had to pay the fee in the past to allow my daughter-to-be to continue living in what is a lovely children's home. So frankly it's my turn and I fully support it. It's just, well, it all comes to rather a lot....
I'm now having to face the dilema that it may be time to return to work full time, especially as it would only be for the period of time I'm waiting for the referral. Once we complete on the adoption I will be heading off on adoption leave quicker than a herd of turtles heading to water. So in real (hopeful) terms this would be a year maximum. Ok I work 4 days a week but it is still rather a large financial penalty. The extra day a week would pay off the credit card bill in a couple of months and allow us to start increasing our savings at a respectable rate. Not only would it fund the final part of the adoption but the more savings I can build the more pleasant a year's adoption leave would be! God we might even get a holiday! And then when I return to work I can, fingers crossed, come back part-time again. The reason I work part-time now is so that I can spend as much time with Princess Toodles as possible and allow her to go to some after school activities. The downside would be that Toodles is the one who looses out. Hubby reminds me she's now 6 and frankly doesn't want to do ballet anyway - Not The Point!!
So yesterday I was a big girl, took a deep breath and went to speak with my boss - bearing in mind he doesn't know about the adoption yet - he was really helpful. It looks like they are going to try and work it so that I can come back full time but still keep some flexibility in going home early on some days and making up the time at home. Can't argue with that so fingers crossed it all works out...
Adoption is all about building your family, finding your child that you can love and cherish forever but adoption also involves rather large sums of money, certainly adopting internationally from Russia into the UK. Now this is in no ways for "buying" a child as I've so often had thrown at me a la Madonna or Angelina Jolie, it's just about funding the process. Travel to Russia alone will run into the 1000's by the time we've completed 4 trips. You pay for the homestudy, the preparation course, the notaries, the legaisation, the agency fee and even the Program fee for the orphanage. When I first heard about the program fee I was a bit thrown by how much it was but then I visited the children's home. It only receives 10% of its funding from the State and the rest comes from International Adoption. And you know...some other adoptive parents have had to pay the fee in the past to allow my daughter-to-be to continue living in what is a lovely children's home. So frankly it's my turn and I fully support it. It's just, well, it all comes to rather a lot....
I'm now having to face the dilema that it may be time to return to work full time, especially as it would only be for the period of time I'm waiting for the referral. Once we complete on the adoption I will be heading off on adoption leave quicker than a herd of turtles heading to water. So in real (hopeful) terms this would be a year maximum. Ok I work 4 days a week but it is still rather a large financial penalty. The extra day a week would pay off the credit card bill in a couple of months and allow us to start increasing our savings at a respectable rate. Not only would it fund the final part of the adoption but the more savings I can build the more pleasant a year's adoption leave would be! God we might even get a holiday! And then when I return to work I can, fingers crossed, come back part-time again. The reason I work part-time now is so that I can spend as much time with Princess Toodles as possible and allow her to go to some after school activities. The downside would be that Toodles is the one who looses out. Hubby reminds me she's now 6 and frankly doesn't want to do ballet anyway - Not The Point!!
So yesterday I was a big girl, took a deep breath and went to speak with my boss - bearing in mind he doesn't know about the adoption yet - he was really helpful. It looks like they are going to try and work it so that I can come back full time but still keep some flexibility in going home early on some days and making up the time at home. Can't argue with that so fingers crossed it all works out...
Friday, June 15, 2007
15th June 2007: Checks on Russian Adoption website 2, Checking of home email 4, wistful discussions with hubby about names 1
It's a fact, it's here I think I've finally found my Waiting Routine. The pattern that helps you get through the week whilst still functioning normally but in an internal state of Red Alert. The weirdest thing is things do settle down and all it takes is one call to throw the whole mallarky into complete chaos.
Another weekend of indirect adoption preparation - Shelving.... not a subject normally associated with International Adoption but as I'm discovering crucial. Without Shelving, I have no where to put all the towels, which clears out the old unit which I can then throw out to clear space in our new daughters bedroom. Logical!
And there will be the Russian practise, I am promising myself I will do some Russian this weekend. It's just... I think I am completely rubbish at it but I know it's going to be vital - or is it? Other people adopt from Russia without reading the complete works of Tolsoy or becoming bi-lingual. How far do I have to go to protect Toodles 2's Russian heritage? Eating dumplings is defintely out but learning to speak her native tongue - surely not unreasonable? I've been trying to find Russian pop music that I can listen too at work but so far have only dicovered a vast array of CD's on chanting or folk music, neither of which are particularly appealing. Maybe I should try the dumplings...???
It's a fact, it's here I think I've finally found my Waiting Routine. The pattern that helps you get through the week whilst still functioning normally but in an internal state of Red Alert. The weirdest thing is things do settle down and all it takes is one call to throw the whole mallarky into complete chaos.
Another weekend of indirect adoption preparation - Shelving.... not a subject normally associated with International Adoption but as I'm discovering crucial. Without Shelving, I have no where to put all the towels, which clears out the old unit which I can then throw out to clear space in our new daughters bedroom. Logical!
And there will be the Russian practise, I am promising myself I will do some Russian this weekend. It's just... I think I am completely rubbish at it but I know it's going to be vital - or is it? Other people adopt from Russia without reading the complete works of Tolsoy or becoming bi-lingual. How far do I have to go to protect Toodles 2's Russian heritage? Eating dumplings is defintely out but learning to speak her native tongue - surely not unreasonable? I've been trying to find Russian pop music that I can listen too at work but so far have only dicovered a vast array of CD's on chanting or folk music, neither of which are particularly appealing. Maybe I should try the dumplings...???
Monday, June 11, 2007
4 weeks and counting....
The usual surprise that four weeks have actually passed quite quickly when they seem to go at snails pace from day to day! I think I'm slowly coming out of the manically obsessive stage and moving into just the mildly obsessive stage. I think I've ot my email habit down to twice a day and almost forgot to take my phone for lunch but remembers just in time!
I'm consciously tring to limit how much I say to Princess Toodles - "When your little sister is here etc" Half of me thinks she'll be getting sick to death of hearing it and the other half is worried about her if it all falls through. I don't want to tempt fate by going on about it. I think I'm moving to the watched pot never boils philosohpy. It'll all happen in the week when I haven't checked email for days, I've got a really important thing coming up at work and life is just busy being life...That's probably when I'll get the phone call, not when I'm frenetically checking!
The only way for it to stay real through is to talk about it, most friends are getting slightly jaded. Even a well meaning friend commented the other day taht this was like the longest pregnancy on earth, I could cope with that until she started drawing parallels with elephants - Ta Muchly! In truth I'd find it hard to look interetsed if I wasn't involved. Didn't realise how much the network of people in the same boat would mean to me... Friends rock!
The usual surprise that four weeks have actually passed quite quickly when they seem to go at snails pace from day to day! I think I'm slowly coming out of the manically obsessive stage and moving into just the mildly obsessive stage. I think I've ot my email habit down to twice a day and almost forgot to take my phone for lunch but remembers just in time!
I'm consciously tring to limit how much I say to Princess Toodles - "When your little sister is here etc" Half of me thinks she'll be getting sick to death of hearing it and the other half is worried about her if it all falls through. I don't want to tempt fate by going on about it. I think I'm moving to the watched pot never boils philosohpy. It'll all happen in the week when I haven't checked email for days, I've got a really important thing coming up at work and life is just busy being life...That's probably when I'll get the phone call, not when I'm frenetically checking!
The only way for it to stay real through is to talk about it, most friends are getting slightly jaded. Even a well meaning friend commented the other day taht this was like the longest pregnancy on earth, I could cope with that until she started drawing parallels with elephants - Ta Muchly! In truth I'd find it hard to look interetsed if I wasn't involved. Didn't realise how much the network of people in the same boat would mean to me... Friends rock!
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
I'm trying to learn Russian... It's hard, really hard and the hardest thing is trying to fit in the time! Tuesday evening is Russian lesson night and it wings it's way around with surprising speed and I'm left with the usual embarrassed foot shuffling of why I have not done the slightest bit of work since last week. My intentions are good, in fact I'd say they were excellent. It's the putting into practise that seems to be under-performing!
My Russian teacher is lovely, very quiet and nice and is learning to be a teacher at the same time I'm learnign Russian so maybe we're helping each other out. Some of it must be going in, just not at the rate I'd expect. So I do need to make the effort and find the time...
Am becoming addicted to surfing the Russian adoption database, cannot be healthy so must stop that. Maybe I should swap the database surfing with Russian studying?!
My Russian teacher is lovely, very quiet and nice and is learning to be a teacher at the same time I'm learnign Russian so maybe we're helping each other out. Some of it must be going in, just not at the rate I'd expect. So I do need to make the effort and find the time...
Am becoming addicted to surfing the Russian adoption database, cannot be healthy so must stop that. Maybe I should swap the database surfing with Russian studying?!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
And we're finally up to date. I'm waiting - that's what I do. all day, every day. Waiting in limbo but trying to keep life as normal as possible for Princess Toodles. She's 6 and adoption is cool to her but so is everyday life.
The waiting is getting slightly easier - it's been 3 weeks since we got back, 3 weeks exactly.. I once herd an urban legend about a woman who got a referral for a little girl 3 weeks after coming back from registering her docs?!?!
So whilst waiting, I clean, I organise and probably drive James crazy. On the bright side our loft is now empty. On the down side you now cannot get up our stairase!
The waiting is getting slightly easier - it's been 3 weeks since we got back, 3 weeks exactly.. I once herd an urban legend about a woman who got a referral for a little girl 3 weeks after coming back from registering her docs?!?!
So whilst waiting, I clean, I organise and probably drive James crazy. On the bright side our loft is now empty. On the down side you now cannot get up our stairase!
16th May 2007
Hello all! Just got back from Russia about 3 hours ago and am absolutely wrecked - haven't seen a bed since Sunday evening and have slept on planes, trains and automobiles since!
James and I flew to St Petersburg early Monday arriving there at 4pm. After meeting up with another couple who were there to go to court to adopt a little boy, we headed off to dinner and then caught an overnight train to Petrozovodsk. Think Polar Express and you're not far off, coal driven, very rickety....
We arrived in Petroz. about 7am on Tuesday and were taken to a local hotel to spend the day. Quick change into suits and we sat in the hotel like a couple of lemons until we got a text at 11.15am saying our paperwork was all handed in and they hadn't needed to see us. That was it... talk about anti-climax! However then the bright spot was as the other couple were going to se their soon-to-be-son in the afternoon we managed to get a pass and go to the children's home too. And I have to say it is really lovely. Yes the buildings old and needs attention but there is a full time child psychologist and speech therapist, gym, music room, one on one attention every day and the kids looked really happy. It was very re-assuring.
After that we went out for dinner with some fellow adopters and then caught the polar express back to St Petersburg where we waited about 7 hours to go to the airport and caught a flight home.
As for all the reticent things we've heard about the Russians I have to say what a completely positive experience it was. We felt completely safe, the Russians were very welcoming and even humoured my rather shocking Russian.
We are not looking our best and probably need a long shower!!!!
The next step is waiting for a referral and we really have NO CLUE! We've heard anything from 3 weeks (very rare) to 3 months (pretty rare) up to 10months so please say a word with the Almighty for us and see if you can pull in any special favours, we'd still love to have her home by Christmas.
James and I flew to St Petersburg early Monday arriving there at 4pm. After meeting up with another couple who were there to go to court to adopt a little boy, we headed off to dinner and then caught an overnight train to Petrozovodsk. Think Polar Express and you're not far off, coal driven, very rickety....
We arrived in Petroz. about 7am on Tuesday and were taken to a local hotel to spend the day. Quick change into suits and we sat in the hotel like a couple of lemons until we got a text at 11.15am saying our paperwork was all handed in and they hadn't needed to see us. That was it... talk about anti-climax! However then the bright spot was as the other couple were going to se their soon-to-be-son in the afternoon we managed to get a pass and go to the children's home too. And I have to say it is really lovely. Yes the buildings old and needs attention but there is a full time child psychologist and speech therapist, gym, music room, one on one attention every day and the kids looked really happy. It was very re-assuring.
After that we went out for dinner with some fellow adopters and then caught the polar express back to St Petersburg where we waited about 7 hours to go to the airport and caught a flight home.
As for all the reticent things we've heard about the Russians I have to say what a completely positive experience it was. We felt completely safe, the Russians were very welcoming and even humoured my rather shocking Russian.
We are not looking our best and probably need a long shower!!!!
The next step is waiting for a referral and we really have NO CLUE! We've heard anything from 3 weeks (very rare) to 3 months (pretty rare) up to 10months so please say a word with the Almighty for us and see if you can pull in any special favours, we'd still love to have her home by Christmas.
3rd May 2007
Hey all - well the wheels of adoption bureaucracy are moving slightly quicker these days iit seems! Last time I emailed our paperwork had just emerged from the Government offices and we were bracing ourselves for weeks of chasing them through notaries, the Foreign and Commonwealth Office and back to the Government before they even got to Russia. Well after judicious bribery involving Thorntons mail order chocolates, lots and lots of telephoning and generally making myself a right royal pain in the backside we managed to get everything done in record time, even with the Easter holidays, and our paperwork was received in Russia on April 30th.
Today, we received an email from our Russian agency requesting that we arrange our first trip to Russia in order to hand in our paperwork and officially be put on the adoption database. We had requested that they try and get us there during Whitsun half term (28th May), we are however going in 10 days time. Blimey. We are now running around getting photos for Visa's, trying to book flights and sorting out Nannies to do the child care thing. It should only be a flying visit out on Monday 14th back early morning Thursday 17th.
After this trip we come home and wait for our referral - however long that will take I have no idea
Vodka anyone?
Hey all - well the wheels of adoption bureaucracy are moving slightly quicker these days iit seems! Last time I emailed our paperwork had just emerged from the Government offices and we were bracing ourselves for weeks of chasing them through notaries, the Foreign and Commonwealth Office and back to the Government before they even got to Russia. Well after judicious bribery involving Thorntons mail order chocolates, lots and lots of telephoning and generally making myself a right royal pain in the backside we managed to get everything done in record time, even with the Easter holidays, and our paperwork was received in Russia on April 30th.
Today, we received an email from our Russian agency requesting that we arrange our first trip to Russia in order to hand in our paperwork and officially be put on the adoption database. We had requested that they try and get us there during Whitsun half term (28th May), we are however going in 10 days time. Blimey. We are now running around getting photos for Visa's, trying to book flights and sorting out Nannies to do the child care thing. It should only be a flying visit out on Monday 14th back early morning Thursday 17th.
After this trip we come home and wait for our referral - however long that will take I have no idea
Vodka anyone?
And after a very long wait.......
4th April 2007
Hello all
Sorry I've been rather quiet - I am still here just been rather snowed under with 101 things... For those of you at college I will be back after the Easter holidays so look forward to seeing you then.
But the reason I wanted to send an update is that at the beginning of last week we finally got our papers for the adoption legalised and approved by the black hole that was the Department for Education and Skills. It's only one step in the grand scheme of things but is a mighty important one as it's nearly the last UK hurdle. So our notary now has a couple of weeks work to do getting things stamped and approved before they are sent to Russia for translating etc.
This means that hopefully we will be going to Russia to hand in our documentation towards the end of May (Whitsun half term would be rather perfect!!). After that we have to come home and wait for our referral.
So there you go the wheels of adoption bureaucracy move, albeit at the pace of a rather aged one-legged donkey.
Next stop St Petersburg: and at some point I may actually have to tell work (although not yet for those of you in EM employ!!)
4th April 2007
Hello all
Sorry I've been rather quiet - I am still here just been rather snowed under with 101 things... For those of you at college I will be back after the Easter holidays so look forward to seeing you then.
But the reason I wanted to send an update is that at the beginning of last week we finally got our papers for the adoption legalised and approved by the black hole that was the Department for Education and Skills. It's only one step in the grand scheme of things but is a mighty important one as it's nearly the last UK hurdle. So our notary now has a couple of weeks work to do getting things stamped and approved before they are sent to Russia for translating etc.
This means that hopefully we will be going to Russia to hand in our documentation towards the end of May (Whitsun half term would be rather perfect!!). After that we have to come home and wait for our referral.
So there you go the wheels of adoption bureaucracy move, albeit at the pace of a rather aged one-legged donkey.
Next stop St Petersburg: and at some point I may actually have to tell work (although not yet for those of you in EM employ!!)
17th Janury 2007
Well the adoption rollercoaster is well and truly on it's way! At the moment we are waiting for confirmation that our paperwork has been received by the DfES. I've already sent my first email and have a letter typed, signed and in an envelope waiting to go with details of our notary etc.
Tonight we had or interview call with the agency. We received their pack of documents over the weekend and Oh My God, it's the homestudy but 100 times worse! I've lost count of the number of foms I've had to sign everything from promising not to smack our child, waiving any rights togetting a sick child to not donating any of their body parts for medical research - WHAT!????????????
One of the things that really choked us was we have been approved for a little girl 0-3years old. Today we wee speaking to the director of the agency who had already discussed us with the Directorof the Children's home in Karelia. The Director came to us with an offer saying the Children's Home felt we were eminantly suitable to adopt a pair of sibling boys aged 3 & 4. They were adoption ready and they would waive all time delays in matching if we would accept. It was heartbreaking. Your natural reaction is to rush out and respond in the sentimental moment. So one thing we learnt tonight is that it's important to stick to your rational decisions that you've made previously in thecold light of day and not react to the emotive moment. We made a very eloquent speach about being flattered and honoured but politely declined - Princess Tashi toodles would never forgive me! My mum was virtually in tears as she would love a couple of cheeky boys! Heart breaking in deed.
Anyway the good news in we are now headlong into our agency docs and Russian Dossier. We havea great notary who has adopted himself and just seems to know everything about the process and how to speed it up little bits.
Anyway things at the moment are hectic but it's ood to be doing something - ANYTHING!
Stops me going mildly mad :o)
Well the adoption rollercoaster is well and truly on it's way! At the moment we are waiting for confirmation that our paperwork has been received by the DfES. I've already sent my first email and have a letter typed, signed and in an envelope waiting to go with details of our notary etc.
Tonight we had or interview call with the agency. We received their pack of documents over the weekend and Oh My God, it's the homestudy but 100 times worse! I've lost count of the number of foms I've had to sign everything from promising not to smack our child, waiving any rights togetting a sick child to not donating any of their body parts for medical research - WHAT!????????????
One of the things that really choked us was we have been approved for a little girl 0-3years old. Today we wee speaking to the director of the agency who had already discussed us with the Directorof the Children's home in Karelia. The Director came to us with an offer saying the Children's Home felt we were eminantly suitable to adopt a pair of sibling boys aged 3 & 4. They were adoption ready and they would waive all time delays in matching if we would accept. It was heartbreaking. Your natural reaction is to rush out and respond in the sentimental moment. So one thing we learnt tonight is that it's important to stick to your rational decisions that you've made previously in thecold light of day and not react to the emotive moment. We made a very eloquent speach about being flattered and honoured but politely declined - Princess Tashi toodles would never forgive me! My mum was virtually in tears as she would love a couple of cheeky boys! Heart breaking in deed.
Anyway the good news in we are now headlong into our agency docs and Russian Dossier. We havea great notary who has adopted himself and just seems to know everything about the process and how to speed it up little bits.
Anyway things at the moment are hectic but it's ood to be doing something - ANYTHING!
Stops me going mildly mad :o)
5th January 2007
Hi guys just wanted to update you on where we are along the adoption path... As you all know we passed panel! Hurrah! However we came down to earth with a bump when the agency saw James' criminal records check. He himself hadn't done anything but his son had a tinsy winsy brush with the law a few years back involving dodgey behaviour in a nightclub when he was 19. Now we knew about this, spoke to social workers, everyone knew but the CRB in their wisdom decided to plaster his son's record across his CRB check as a warning for adoption - it sounded really nasty...
So then the agency were concerned that we could not adopt - living nightmare. But we have just this very moment received the following from Vida....
Dear Debi,
Our Russian coordinators, after various consultations, reached the decision that we can take your case for Russia. We are thrilled. Thank you for your patience. It is best to start with some degree of confidence. This will mean you move into fast track. I will do the papers with you and our Russian reps will advise you about the Russia documentation so that you have everything ready for the DFES and legalizations.
Best,
Whoo hoo! Just had a celebratory diet coke (yes, New Years Diet has kicked in!!!)
Hope everything is going well with everyone else. it's very sad it's 11.20pm and I'm still working but this news has, at least made me work with a grin!
Love to all
Hi guys just wanted to update you on where we are along the adoption path... As you all know we passed panel! Hurrah! However we came down to earth with a bump when the agency saw James' criminal records check. He himself hadn't done anything but his son had a tinsy winsy brush with the law a few years back involving dodgey behaviour in a nightclub when he was 19. Now we knew about this, spoke to social workers, everyone knew but the CRB in their wisdom decided to plaster his son's record across his CRB check as a warning for adoption - it sounded really nasty...
So then the agency were concerned that we could not adopt - living nightmare. But we have just this very moment received the following from Vida....
Dear Debi,
Our Russian coordinators, after various consultations, reached the decision that we can take your case for Russia. We are thrilled. Thank you for your patience. It is best to start with some degree of confidence. This will mean you move into fast track. I will do the papers with you and our Russian reps will advise you about the Russia documentation so that you have everything ready for the DFES and legalizations.
Best,
Whoo hoo! Just had a celebratory diet coke (yes, New Years Diet has kicked in!!!)
Hope everything is going well with everyone else. it's very sad it's 11.20pm and I'm still working but this news has, at least made me work with a grin!
Love to all
There was lots of too-ing and fro-ing which you'll be greatful was not captured on email but ...
30th November 2006
great great news! just got a call from social services today. can you belive it they've "had a cancellation" and we're up for panel on the 13th of december - that's just 2 weeks! James called to tell me and I surprised myself with my reaaction by bursting into tears in the office (very hard to explain as no one knows!)
No matter what the outcome - even if they say go away and come back in 3 months they will have said it a month earlier! How exciting....
13th December 2006
Hey all - well it's 10pm on Wednesday evening and we've just got out of panel and.... yeah us! We've been recommended as adoptive parents. Just the absolutely best Christmas pressie ever!
Off to crack a bottle of champagne.
30th November 2006
great great news! just got a call from social services today. can you belive it they've "had a cancellation" and we're up for panel on the 13th of december - that's just 2 weeks! James called to tell me and I surprised myself with my reaaction by bursting into tears in the office (very hard to explain as no one knows!)
No matter what the outcome - even if they say go away and come back in 3 months they will have said it a month earlier! How exciting....
13th December 2006
Hey all - well it's 10pm on Wednesday evening and we've just got out of panel and.... yeah us! We've been recommended as adoptive parents. Just the absolutely best Christmas pressie ever!
Off to crack a bottle of champagne.
Somewhere along the line I moved to updating people by email and not too sure why... My email circulation list is now getting so long which is greatthat people are actually interetse din what we're doing... So this blog is purely to update with posted emails...
It all re-starts with the visit from the adoption manager:
6th November 2006
Well we got around to having the big meeting with the adoption boss today - apparently it is what is termed a 2nd Opinion Visit and becoming increasingly mandatory by various social services after the homestudy has been completed and before you go to panel. The man was really nice and bearing in mind all the defensive preparation James and I had been doing he was really positive.
He basically said our biggest problem was going to be Panel's disappointment at losing such a "resource for domestic adoption" but as we never wanted to adopt domestically... It seems the biggest prep we can now do for panel is to get a very strong clear argument in our heads as to why intercountry and not domestic.
Apparently we are expected to attend our Panel - they meet beforehand to discuss the documents and then we are called in with our social worker to stand before panel and answer their questions. We are then asked to leave whilst they discuss us and then we are called back for their recommendation that day. Even if it's a definte yes, after the decision maker makes his decision (7 working days after panel) it still takes a month before they can send the papers to the Dfes as they need to include a copy of the approved minutes of the Panel meeting (which can only be done at the next panel....)On the plus side he did say they had seen some marked improvement from the Dfes and they had actauul got some documents turned around in 6 weeks!!! Didn't want to listen to that as it seemed way too positive. If we can get 3 months I'll be ecstatic.We are booked into panel on Jan10th and 1st in the waiting list for 13th December - would be great if we could sneak in to the Dec panel and get some good news before Christmas.Actually alot of his questions in the 2 hour interview was on how we would handle bullying, diversity, Identity etc so the course was actually really useful. We also came up with a great view - he was talking about how adopted children may not be as academically achieving as birth children and how would we cope given we were both fairly bright/educated. We told him that it wasn't the final level of attainment that gave us parental joy but helping the child reach each one of their own little steps of achievement that gave us the greatest pleasure. He loved that and furiously scribbled it down...So there you go, another one of our own little steps of achievement accomplished today - now we just have to wait for panel....
It all re-starts with the visit from the adoption manager:
6th November 2006
Well we got around to having the big meeting with the adoption boss today - apparently it is what is termed a 2nd Opinion Visit and becoming increasingly mandatory by various social services after the homestudy has been completed and before you go to panel. The man was really nice and bearing in mind all the defensive preparation James and I had been doing he was really positive.
He basically said our biggest problem was going to be Panel's disappointment at losing such a "resource for domestic adoption" but as we never wanted to adopt domestically... It seems the biggest prep we can now do for panel is to get a very strong clear argument in our heads as to why intercountry and not domestic.
Apparently we are expected to attend our Panel - they meet beforehand to discuss the documents and then we are called in with our social worker to stand before panel and answer their questions. We are then asked to leave whilst they discuss us and then we are called back for their recommendation that day. Even if it's a definte yes, after the decision maker makes his decision (7 working days after panel) it still takes a month before they can send the papers to the Dfes as they need to include a copy of the approved minutes of the Panel meeting (which can only be done at the next panel....)On the plus side he did say they had seen some marked improvement from the Dfes and they had actauul got some documents turned around in 6 weeks!!! Didn't want to listen to that as it seemed way too positive. If we can get 3 months I'll be ecstatic.We are booked into panel on Jan10th and 1st in the waiting list for 13th December - would be great if we could sneak in to the Dec panel and get some good news before Christmas.Actually alot of his questions in the 2 hour interview was on how we would handle bullying, diversity, Identity etc so the course was actually really useful. We also came up with a great view - he was talking about how adopted children may not be as academically achieving as birth children and how would we cope given we were both fairly bright/educated. We told him that it wasn't the final level of attainment that gave us parental joy but helping the child reach each one of their own little steps of achievement that gave us the greatest pleasure. He loved that and furiously scribbled it down...So there you go, another one of our own little steps of achievement accomplished today - now we just have to wait for panel....
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